Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
