i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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