I just pynch a tree in the face
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
