that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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