I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
