Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my sisters under your porch take her home
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you had me at cake vodka
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
