Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're chasing vodka with high fives
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
