he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
