I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
