Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
