This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
