how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Actions speak louder than pants.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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