fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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