it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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