U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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