Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
