so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
