I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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