I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
