There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
