I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
