You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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