Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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