u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
