Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm at about main and main street
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
