guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
