dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
