every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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