she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
