Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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