I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize