your parents love me but you hate me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize