i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
