my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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