My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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