I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
