Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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