Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
