I'm jealous of your bromance
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
