all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if only i could text you this smell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
