I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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