I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
