i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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