So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
