You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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