two words: eviction party
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
