After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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