I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
