If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
