I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
