I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
