I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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