i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Two words: nipple clamps
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