I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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