Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
