She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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