I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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