my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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