You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
