The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
