Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
