Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
