remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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