I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
