Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
