babies were throwing up all over the place
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
