I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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