Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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