how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
