Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
