My nipple is on Facebook.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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