hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
