i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
