So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
