i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
