when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This house was built for laser tag.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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