Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
