It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
